Musings are easy to come up with. Other people’s problems are remote enough to solve after a good thirty seconds of contemplation. One such musing that was an attempt to help a friend was to explain that there is a reason that they’re called relationships and not relationwalkintheparks. The reason is that much like ships they are, at best, expected to sail off into the unknown, and unfortunately, sometimes they sink. I thought this up on the spot, and, to my knowledge, I didn't even take it from a sitcom or a made for TV movie.
More difficult than offering a simple musing is giving advice. Optimally I would rather spend time contemplating the gravitational energy of raindrops, then concocting advice. At best I can spend my time thoughtfully and carefully constructing advice that would be beneficial to all parties involved. Gems such as “You know what? It is probably better to calm down a bit before you use Facebook to vent your frustration by saying that you’re glad Steve has contracted Chlamydia, because at least now he can give something on the holidays other than a sad look and an IOU. Instead how about we have a dance party and then pop some bubble wrap?” I could also take the easy way out and not spend any time or effort in advice I dispense. For example, “I don’t want to do this homework.” “Then don’t.” “But if I don’t do it I’ll fail my class.” “Then do it.” This advice is not thought provoking, nor constructive but it is relatively safe. Finally there is advice born from frustration and annoyance that is destructive and dangerous. “It sucks that the girl you like has not text you in twenty minutes, I bet she’s either trying to make you think that she’s fornicating with another dude, or she might be dead. You should get good and drunk on whisky and despair and spill your soul to her at four in the morning.” This type of advice is hopefully recognized as both sarcastic and a warning to figure it out on their own.
However, I would personally rather contemplate gravitational energy of raindrops, then how the Universe is both finite and infinite, and then try to decipher why so many sorority girls enjoy 4 Loko and Ke$ha, then offer either advice or a musing. People are going to make decisions based on what they want and not what is right. Essentially people ask for your time and energy to tell them what they want to hear and then you’re the asshole for being a straight shooter. So my advice to advice givers is to have fun with it, because there is very little chance that any advice you give is going to be heeded. Tell the girl wearing pants that are meant for a twelve year old that her butt doesn’t look big, tell your friend at the party that the girl who is pissed off at her humongous boyfriend is totally in to him and he should go for it, when your roommate is hung over offer a ‘family remedy’ which is essentially Tabasco sauce, mustard, and Koolaid, but remember that if you knowingly give advice that is going to end poorly that at least they’ll learn on their own. Hopefully your relationship with the person receiving advice will navigate themselves back into your good graces, or perhaps they’ll dash your relationship against the rocks and run it into the Kraken, but at least it’ll be a hell of a ride.