Monday, February 7, 2011

Special Report: Kanye West’s* Inauguration

*actual Quotes from Kanye West will be underlined
            To start an undoubtedly unprecedented four years President Kanye West was inaugurated and almost successfully sworn in. As he was about to finish the oath of office the now President of the United States interrupted Chief Justice John G. Roberts, by saying, “I’m really happy for you, I know this is a big day for you, I’m gonna let you finish, but this is the biggest day for me of all time... Of all time!”
            After being elected in a landslide of votes by Americans who wanted to see what would happen since a majority of voters believed that the world was going to end in December 2012 anyway, President West then unexpectedly began what seemed like an unrehearsed Inaugural address. The audience present now realizing that the world did not, in fact, end watched with bated breath hoping that Mr. West might rise to the occasion, or at the very least be the new scapegoat for late night comedians. He did not disappoint.
            I don’t know what’s better, getting laid or getting paid, but being the President is a pretty close third,” is how he began his address that was riddled with half formed ideas and quotes to keep the media happy for years to come. “We are going to paint the white house black then I am going to change the cardinal directions so that west is Kanye and east is West so that for years to come the world will read my name...” He continued to inform the public of all his plans for his presidency for the next four minutes until his Vice-President, Jay-Z, informed him that except for perhaps painting the white house, most of these ideas are either impossible or a tremendous over step of the limits of his Presidential power.
            “I am the genius voice of this generation**, we gonna touch the sky, because the only thing promised in life is death,” replied the President. “Now I can let these dream killers kill my self esteem-or use my arrogance as steam to power my dreams, I have always believed that if you keep your nose out the sky, keep your heart to God, and keep your face to the raising sun, then nothing can go wrong...” At this point Vice President Z was able to calm President West down enough to finish the oath of office, after which President West was able to formally begin his inaugural address by finishing his informal address that he had begun earlier stating, “We all self-conscious. I'm just the first to admit it, but I know that I got an Angel watching me from the other side.” He continued by saying that he know the presidency will be “a lot of pressure for one human being, especially because this dark diction has become America's addiction,” most likely referring to himself. End his highly entertaining, but somewhat worrisome speech, President West promised the American Public that he will try to be the best President “of all time...All time!!!”
**Quoted From South Park

1 comment:

  1. I think Jay-Z would feel a little downgraded if Kanye was making HIM VP. It should be the other way around. BUT it is quite WITTY since Kanye would have the audacity to make the great Jay-Z his VP. Wow, got me Starr.