Warlock Charlie: The New Superman

By now most people have seen the meteoric plunge that is Charlie Sheen's sanity. The once beloved actor seemed to have jumped the ship of normalcy into the abyss of crazy. I offer, however, that he has instead become what will henceforth be known as super sane, or colloquially as Warlockism.

Mr. Sheen has already stated that he doesn't suffer from a normal mental disorder such bipolar disorder, but instead has bi-winning, which means sometimes he wins sometimes he doesn't. This heretofore unheard of condition is caused by his super sanity. When asked if he took cocaine Sheen replied that he doesn't take cocaine, he buys it. A sentiment like this, on the surface seems like the rambling of a man unhinged; instead it is in actuality a clear and concise statement of fact. In a world that a majority of people are on the sane level, it stands to reason that he would feel it necessary to dumb down his reasoning to the most clear and concise level possible.

How has Mr. Sheen achieved this level of super sanity that is on par with savant-ism?  In his own words Sheen is so special because he has the benefit of "tiger blood" and "Adonis DNA." These sound made up, however, such a level of sanity is not possible without the aid of some sort of supplement. Supplements so fantastic and terrifyingly named can only be the tools of the super sane, or a warlock.

Further evidence of Sheen's status as a warlock is how he describes himself. In his own words, "I'm extremely old-fashioned, I'm a nobleman, I'm chivalrous. I believe that chivalry is not dead, it's just been in a coma for a while." Only someone with values of yore could manage a sanity that is as all-encompassing as Charlie Sheen's,

With a psyche as fortified as his, the only option that Charlie Sheen has is to focus on developing superpowers to fight all the evil in the world, perhaps developing the foresight to keep his most eccentric thoughts and desires to himself. Or he could just find it in himself, as one of the greatest actors in all of history, to act just regular sane so that Two and a Half Men can continue undisturbed.